Soft Skills are Life Skills

Life Skills

 Soft skills are much in focus in the hospitality industry because academic qualification can not be a guarantee that an individual would be able to handle people well. Soft skills are being given the importance in corporates and rightly so! Listed below are some of the commonly talked about soft skills and their methods of application. I do not claim to have any specialization in the subject but i have observed their presence in all my successful students and therefore, can vouch for their importance.

Goal Setting:

          “If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll reach nowhere”.

          Unless we have specific goals in our lives, we may not achieve the desired success even with abundant knowledge, skills or resources. There is a difference between desires and goals.

 Desires are our wishes and normally, they are weak. We may give up at the sight of the first obstacle or resistance. Desires, only when supported by determination, discipline, right information and resources, may become an achievable goal.

Characteristics of a worth while goal:

S -      Specific. What exactly do I wish to achieve or become?

M -     Measurable. The progress should be visible and measurable.

A -     Achievable. You should have the required resources. 

R -      Realistic. Goal should be practical and sensible.

T-       Time bound. You can not indefinitely pursue a goal for all your life.

Criteria to assess the worthiness of a goal:

Something similar to the Rotary Club’s four-way test;

1.     Is it the truth?

2.     Is it fair to all concerned?

3.     Will it get me the goodwill?

4.     Will it get me health, wealth and peace of mind?

5.     Will it not affect another goal negatively or adversely?

6.     Can I fully commit myself to it?

Sub-goals: A big, long term goal may seem daunting at first so break it into smaller sub goals and go on achieving them till you cover the whole distance.

 Journey of a thousand miles must begin with the first step.

Eight-step strategy:

1.     Select the goal and put it in writing. State in the positive; “I wish to pass” and not the other way round “I don’t want to fail ……”

2.     Break down to smaller sub goals. Keep it big enough to motivate you and small enough for it to be easily achievable. Every little achievement would give you a sense of satisfaction and confidence.

3.     Define your criteria for success so that you know when you exactly have it right.  “Being famous is a vague criterion”. “Being famous as a film star in the commercial Hindi cinema is more specific.

4.     Define the context as to when, where, with whom and under what circumstance you want it to happen and when not to. Eliminate contradictions from thinking.

5.     Identify your capacity to reach your goal alone. If you need others’ support, are they willing to give it and are you prepared to ask for it?

6.     Is it good for you and those related to you?

7.     Ask yourself this question: “Am I prepared to handle and accept the changes or challenges that would come along with this achievement?”

 Every one says and agrees that goal setting is important. Then why do people fail to establish their goals and put it in writing?

Reasons why people do not set or update their goals:

a.     Fear of failure

b.     Don’t know how to set goals

c.     Too impatient to do it

d.     Major goals seem to be unattainable

e.     Fear of rejection

f.      Don’t have time

g.     No faith in one’s own abilities

h.     Don’t realize the importance of goal setting

i.       Fear of being criticized or ridiculed

j.       No ambition in life

Areas that you need to focus on:

1.     Opportunity to travel

2.     Career

3.     Car, TV, Computers and lifestyle etc

4.     Home of your own

5.     Health

6.     Learning opportunity and resources

7.     Financial security and independence

8.     Friendships and relationships

9.     Family, children, parents etc

10. Serving the community, society and the country

11. Recreation, leisure and pleasure

Your goals could cover some or all of the above-mentioned areas.

Decision Making and Problem Solving Skills:

          People are so scared of taking a wrong decision; they don’t take any decision at all.

Decision making as well as problem solving is a skill that can be learnt gradually by understanding clearly the whole process.

There are three types or styles of decision making:

• Emotional: Made in the spur or heat of the moment. Characterized by the heightened emotional state of the decision-maker. Often regrettable later on.
• Rational: Made entirely on the logical and analytical basis, without any consideration for other people or their sentiments. Ruthless is the word.
• Combination: The ideal one. Combines the best of both the forgoing styles

Step-By-Step Problem Solving:

• Understand the problem clearly and the causes underlying it.
• Break down a BIG problem into smaller ones.
• Collect data and gather as much information about a problem as possible before trying to solve it.
• Ponder over the data and information as dispassionately as you possibly can.
• Keep your emotions in check while thinking or they may color your decision. The four main emotional states are;

happiness, sadness, anger and fear. Recognize your own controlling feelings.

• Take some time in thinking before deciding. Hasty decisions are often wrong decisions. However, do not delay too much, either.
• Prayers and meditation provide the mental peace and rationality, so important for decision making.
• Be aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. Know your limits.

Criteria of a sound (good) decision:

·       It’s your decision and it has not been forced upon you. Be willing to accept the responsibility for your decision.

·       You have weighed both the plus and minus points and are convinced about carrying it through.

·       Alternative decisions have also been considered before picking the most appropriate one, not necessarily the easiest one.

·       Several small decisions have been taken and verified before taking a big final decision.

·       A deadline has been set by which the decision must be taken.

·       Intuition or the sixth sense (also called gut feeling) has also been listened to, though it is not always reliable.

·       You have made up your mind to sacrifice something, if needed, to gain something.

·       The “worst case scenario” has been also thought upon. “What could be the worst outcome of this decision?”

·       You’ve already visualized the consequences of your decision and are mentally prepared for it.

·       You’ve faith in yourself and in your abilities.

Time Management:

          The biggest factor in time mismanagement is “Procrastination”.

Procrastination: If a task or work is delayed, deferred or postponed without any good reason, it’s an act of procrastination. Normally, people procrastinate around those activities that they consider as difficult, unpleasant or unimportant.

Reasons for Procrastination:

·       To escape from the task hoping that somehow it will go away.

·       Fear of failure in doing the work successfully.

·       Poor time-management skills.

·       Do not have any worthy or noble goals in life.

·       Hope that someone else would do it.

·       Lack of information or resources in completing the work.

·       Stuck in the wrong jobs or career.

·       Focus on the big task rather than on the small doable bits of it.

·       Haven’t got the priorities in the right order.

Consequences of Procrastination: Negative attitude, self-doubting, poor self-esteem, lower self-confidence and a reputation for unreliability.

Results of avoiding procrastination: Sense of achievement and accomplishment, high self-confidence, peace of mind, feeling of control, reputation of a “can do” person.

Strategies to successfully avoid procrastination:

• Adopt the 3D principle for every task you feel like avoiding- Do it/Delegate it/Dump it.
• Break the task into small doable parts and then give these tasks a priority rating. Tackle the most urgent and important first. (Ref. Time Management).
• Make sure you have the capability to do the task.
• Finishing the job is not completion. Let someone else also take a look to be sure of having tied all the loose ends. Effectiveness is better than efficiency.
• Announce in public what you are going to do. Thereafter, the pressure builds up for you to get started on work. Commit to become committed.
• Decide on a reward that you would give yourself once you manage to complete your assigned work. Then, actually reward yourself and enjoy your personal success.

Time Management priority:

• “Crises”- Deadlines, medical emergencies, natural calamities, customer problems etc. Top priority rating should be assigned to such tasks.

• “Bulwark”- Studying, planning, exercising, eating well, sleeping and adequate rest, relations building. A must do for success. Allocate maximum time per day to these tasks.
• “Time wasters”- gossip over phone calls, routine meetings, courtesy calls, not delegating enough. Minimize if not possible to avoid completely.
• Escapism – Drugs and alcohol abuse, too much pleasure chasing, sitting alone, doing nothing, idle thinking and fantasizing. You know what you are supposed to do with these!

Time log: Keep a time log for a day or two at least once a month. Note the amount of time you spend on various tasks and which category they fall into. See if it is similar to the recommended time allocation as shown in the task prioritization grid.

i.e. Quadrant I- 30%, Quadrant II- 60%, Quadrant III-10%, Quadrant IV-0%

Note: Always try to maximize the time allocation to quadrant II activities for effective utilization of time.

Ideas on “Time Management”

·       If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

·       Measure twice, cut once i.e. be careful and clear all doubts before starting a work.

·       Maintain a time-log.

·       Prepare a to-do list for each day and keep checking the items off.

·       Become self-managed rather than top managed.

·       Work often expands to fill the volume of time allotted to it- Murphy’s Law. Be realistic in your time allocation schedule.

·       Everything takes longer than you initially think- Murphy’s Law again!

·       Learn to say No gracefully ad tactfully.

·       Leaves some time just for yourself.

Communication Skills

People Will Not Listen to you:

·       They can already anticipate or guess what you are going to talk about.

·       They are planning what to say when it’s their turn.

·       They are tired or worried.

·       Your voice is dull and monotonous.

·       The topic is too difficult or complex.

·       You as a speaker lack credibility or confidence.

·       The environment is discomforting e.g. bad chairs, hot room etc.

·       You begin with a too long an introduction of yourself.

·       You start reading out from prepared text or narrate memorized paragraphs.

·       The topic is too simple or basic.

People Will Listen to you if:

·       You make a good and interesting beginning.

·       You are animated (lively) and graphic (can describe well)

·       You have enthusiasm and sincerity.

·       Your voice is well modulated and at the right speed (neither slow nor fast)

·       You maintain eye contact.

·       You are interested in your own talk.

·       You, in turn, listen to others.

·       You smile warmly, without pride or fear.

·       Break monotony with jokes, anecdotes or even silence.

·       Involve the listener by asking questions.

·       Pause for dramatic effect after having made a point.

·       Summarize succinctly, ask for action and end on a high note (positivity, optimism etc.)

Some Common Pitfalls in Public Speaking and remedies:

·       Written text or materials can not be converted into the spoken (speech) material.

·       Be focused about your purpose whether you wish to inform/motivate/persuade/explore/entertain. Don’t divert from your aim.

·       Keep the background of the audience in the mind. Talk to them at their level. Don’t try to demonstrate your superiority.

·       Never begin with “I am going to convince you…….” People will reject it completely.

·       Listener cannot rewind, fast forward or alter the speed of intake. Be sensitive to their needs. Watch faces and search for loud yawns!

·       Avoid difficult words, complex data and detailed description in public speaking.

·       If your voice level tends to fall down at the end of every sentence, it will be seen as your lack of confidence. Clarity of sentences is also affected as a result of this.

·       Don’t interrupt someone asking questions midway. It will intimidate and antagonize the listeners.

Suggestions to improve communication skills:

• Practice before a mirror. Is your face pleasant to look at when you speak?
• Record your voice. If possible, do video-recording. Detect your visible flaws and eliminate them one by one.

Listening Skills:

Yes! Listening is a skill we can learn and need to learn.

You can always motivate yourself to listen to anyone and everyone by asking yourself, “What new things can I possibly learn from this person?”

 Be selfish in this matter.

          “There is no such thing as an uninteresting subject. There are only disinterested people.”

Listening Barriers: (Habits which prevent us from being good listeners)

• Scoring Points: Relating everything the speaker is saying to your own experiences and glorifying oneself internally or feeling superior to the speaker. It’s called an “autobiographical response”.
• Mind Reading: Trying to guess what the other person might be thinking or going to say next.
• Mind Rehearsing: Practicing your next lines or answers in your sub-conscious mind and not paying enough attention to what is being said.
• Cherry Picking: Just listening to what you think of as the important pieces of information and then simply switch off (stop listening).
• Day dreaming: Rate of thinking in human being is 4-6 times faster than the rate of speaking. There is the temptation to use the “Extra/Spare/Balance” time available to the listener as an opportunity to think of idle or pleasurable things. It is called drifting away!s
• Labeling: Quickly putting a speaker into “condemnable” category and them stop listening altogether. It’s similar to awarding punishment even before having examined all the evidences.
• Counseling: Many people find it hard to resist the temptation of playing the ‘counselor’ and giving advices to the speaker without being asked to do so.
• Dueling: Dueling means fighting. Here the fighting is of verbal nature where the listener confronts, challenges or refutes the statement of the speaker.
• Side-stepping sentiments: Responding to speaker’s expressions of emotions with jokes, hollow clichés or levity.

Tips to be a great listener:

• Be natural and normal. Don’t try to fake or pretend about your feelings.
• Dealing with the person is more important. Problem can be solved later.
• Talk as an equal, not as a superior.
• Give complete, undivided attention.
• Paraphrase/rephrase periodically to make sure you understand it right.
• No subject is uninteresting. Only, uninterested people. Take interest.
• Don’t become uncomfortable during periods of long silence. Silence shows the comfort level between two persons.
• Show that you are interested and that you care.
• Guide the conversation to the underlying pain or sadness, if any. People are more troubled by emotions than anything else.
• Summarize conversation at regular intervals.
• Don’t be judgmental. Ask open-ended questions to help the other person open up, relax and feel understood. Dr. Covey calls it spiritual oxygen and authors of Born to Win call it stroke.

Managing Stress:

          Stress can cause a variety of psychological problems like anxiety, depression, irritability, vague fears, high blood pressure, indigestion and many more symptoms. Stress induced physical problems are called psychosomatic disorders and the category covers almost all biological systems in the body.

Stressors: Factors that cause stress are known as stressors. The stressors could be real or imagined. They are of two types.

a.     Internal: e.g. Very strong drive to achieve; a powerful urge to be the first in everything etc.

b.     External: e.g. a difficult boss; demanding and pressurizing parents, naggin or quarrelsome spouse etc.

It is not that all stress is bad. Up to a certain level, it improves concentration and performance. Negative impact of stress is due to our negative reaction to it. Worrying, in most of the cases, is later found to be unnecessary and uncalled for. So, stress can be a powerful creative force that helps us to improve, gain perfection or else, it can be the negative influence that destroys a person.

Identifying Stress: 

(a)  Physical signs and symptoms :

·       High blood pressure, unexplained aches and pains, sleep disturbance, feeling tired most of the time, excessive use of tea/coffee/alcohol/tobacco.

      (b) Mental signs:

·       Becoming easily irritated, unable to concentrate, feeling bored, loss of the ability to smile or laugh, getting angry at inappropriate situation and people, strong feeling of self-doubt and fear, constant anxiousness, developing phobias, feeling depressed/sad/worthless/guilty/helpless, loss of appetite and weight etc.

Type A & B Personalities:

People can be divided into many categories according to their personality types. But, they can be put into two major groups according to the way they react to stress.

Type A: Always tense. They are competitive and wish to over achieve. Wanting to do too many things in a short time, they lack patience. It’s their habit to worry too much and get irritated soon. They would like to succeed at any cost and work very hard for it.  They feel guilty to relax.

Type B: Cool and sensitive to other people’s feelings. They give equal importance to their personal and professional life. They tend to be move realistic and patient. Calmly, they face each day as it comes and enjoy life, too.

Workaholic: Addicted to work. Have intense energy and can work anywhere, at all times. Most of workaholics are type A personalities. They may be working so hard and so long to avoid expected failure, to hide insecurity or to run away from personal problems. They may neglect their family and social life in the name of work. But it is not a good thing. Such people get burnt out easily. Burn out in an extreme reaction to stress where the person gives up every thing after a short span of spectacular success and does nothing afterwards. Since a workaholic gives no importance to building and sustaining a relationship, they often end up all alone with no friends to support them when they really need it.

How to cope with stress?

·       Modify diet: Cut down on tea/coffee/alcohol/tobacco. Depression may also cause some people to over eat or consume too much sugar and dairy products.

·       Exercise: A great stress buster; It produces a substance in the brain called endorphin which gives a feeling of happiness, well being and pleasure.

·       Healthy life style: Sleep well. A good night’s sleep has the power to cure many physical and emotional ills.

·       Talk your problem out: sharing your troubles with a trusted friend or family member always relieves the stress and sometimes, solves the problem as well.

·       Learn to say “no”: By saying yes to all kinds of demands and requests from every one around us, we may actually take up more than we can handle and end up stressing ourselves. Don’t feel guilty in refusing to do unnecessary work but be careful not to damage a relationship. Say no politely and gently. Put people first and their emotions foremost, including you.

·       Take time out to play and have fun: it takes your mind off bothersome people and issues.

·       Go on vacations at least once/twice a year to refresh/recharge your batteries.

·       Do effective time management. On a regular basis, never work for more than 9 to 10 hours per day, if you can have a choice.

·       Learn to delegate. Don’t try to do everything all alone. It is just not possible. You are not a superman, are you?

·       Develop a wide circle of friends. It makes life easier & interesting.

·       Spend some quality time with family. Let nothing interfere with this schedule.

·       Do not forget to laugh at good jokes and smile at the bad onse, because “laughter is the best medicine”.

·       Reserve some private moments just for yourself, so that you can introspect or simply do something you love to do.

·       Decide on what is truly important to you and then do what is most important first. Do not try to do everything at same time.

·       Seek professional help of a counselor or a psychologist, if you feel the stress has become too much to handle.

Managing fear:

          “Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”.

         --American President Roosevelt during Second World War

          All of us have worries and fears, big or small. Following suggestions are offered to tackle our fear.

·       Analyze your fear. What are you really afraid of?

·       Face your fear. Do what you are most scared to do and you’ll realize that most of our fears were either too insignificant or simply imaginary.

·       Practice makes a man perfect. If you are afraid of a fight, work on your body and learn marital arts, eradicate weakness as soon as possible.

·       Be realistic. Life will never be entirely free of fears or defeats.

·       Have faith in your ability to solve a problem or face a situation.

·       Have faith in God. It is a big relief and an enlightening experience to leave yourself in the custody of the supreme power.

Meditation/ Relaxation:

          The hustle and bustle of daily life makes us all stressed up and it is important that we learn to relax and unwind ourselves. Following are some of the commonly practiced techniques for relaxation:

1.     Deep breathing: - Taking deep breaths supplies additional oxygen to our brain and other body parts and so it has a soothing, calming effect. Inhale slowly and take in as much air as you can hold for a second and then exhale slowly. Allow all air to go out before taking the next breath. Breathe only through the nose, not through the mouth.

2.     Muscular relaxation technique: - Lie down on a flat comfortable surface, keep your feet a few inches away from each other and let both hands lie by your side. Close eyes and take a few deep breaths. Begin by slowly clenching your right fist tightly. Count up to five in the clenched position and slowly loosen your fist telling yourself mentally to “relax”. Telling “relax” should be done slowly and calmly and it would induce a calming effect.

This exercise can be done for various body muscles by first tightening/contracting/clenching them, holding them up like that to the count of five and then loosen/release slowly, telling one to “relax”. Breathing should be deep, steady and without jerks. Keep the mind clear of worrying thoughts to gain maximum benefit. Other parts that can be similarly exercised are;

·       Forehead, by wrinkling tightly

·       Shoulders, by pulling both shoulder down and up

·       Abdomen, by sucking it inwards

·       Thigh muscles, contracting   

·       Calf muscles, by pulling the toes down and up

·       Chest muscles, by contracting

Remember to breathe slowly and regularly. If you tighten some muscles too much, you might develop cramps so take precaution of not overdoing it. Even after you have exercised/relaxed each muscles a number of time keep lying down on the bed for 3-5 minutes, telling yourself to “relax”.

3.     Autogenic messages: - When the mind is cluttered with negative thoughts, it helps to deliberating give it some positive messages of your own. Choose a peaceful place, sit down comfortably, breathe deeply and tell yourself.

·       “I can handle” it”.

·       “I can be in control”

·       “I am good and I don’t need to feel guilty for my failure”.

4.     Creative Imagery: - Daydream. Think of a previous pleasant experience or imagine a nice situation. The more details you try to visualize, lesser will be your tension. Do it for as long as you like or till you feel relaxed and ready to go.

5.     Visualization: - Thinking of all the wonderful things that will possibly happen in future also have an energizing and calming effect on our body and mind.

6.     Subliminal learning: - Pleasant music or motivational tapes send messages to our brain without our brain trying to do so consciously.It is amazingly positive, powerful and relaxing. Music therapy!

7.     Yoga: - The benefits of yoga are immense but it must be learnt from a qualified and experienced teacher. Doing “Asanas” in a wrong manner can be more harmful than useful.

8.     Meditation: - It is an exercise of “Dhyaan (concentration)” and the purpose is to bring the thinking to an “unhurried” and “unexcited” state. Select a quiet, comfortable room, free from any interruptions and noise. Sit down or lie down comfortably. Wear loose, comfortable clothes and no footwear. If you are going to be doing it sitting, take the posture that you are most comfortable in. If you choose to lie down, keep your hands on the sides. Begin by taking deep breaths, slowly and steadily. Make sure that all air comes out before you inhale again. After 8-10 deep breaths, close your eyes. Now, start ‘watching’ your thoughts. What are you thinking? From this point, stop controlling your thinking. Do not consciously invite any thoughts to come in to your mind, nor block any thoughts from entering into your consciousness. Allow thoughts to come in or go out on their own. Enjoy the feeling of thoughts “swimming” through your head.

If you are able to give up the controlling of your thinking, you should fall asleep. But not for very long, of course! You would wake up probably in next 5-10 minutes, feeling serene, refreshed and relaxed. You do not need any music for this as that could be distracting for your thoughts.

Memory Power:

Understanding human memory: - Scientists have only an elementary understanding of the complex process of remembering. It is believed that new information in the memory produces bio-chemical changes in the brain’s nerve cells. No one knows the reason for this but some of our memory is always lost with time. However, the human brain is capable of storing an indefinite amount of information.

Development of memory: - Right from the birth, a child starts to register  information such as the parent’s face, warmth of touch, taste of food etc in its brain. The recallable/retrievable memory starts, however at the age of four or five. The memory growth is closely related to language development since we need language to categorize the information and experiences which we can easily store and recall, when needed. Just like a cupboard or almirah in a house where things are nearly arranged and easily retrievable.

Some salient facts about memory:-

·       Everyday we remember thousands of things and yet people say “I have a bad memory”.

·       Memory can actually improve with age and not decline, as is commonly believed, provided that it is used and developed regularly.

·       Remembering names, faces, phone numbers, and materials is a skill that can be developed with practice.

Techniques for improvement:-

·       Mnemonics – Taking the first letters of the main points in a chapter or answer, and then coining a word from it that can be related with the actual meaning or idea.

·       Highlight – Underline or color highlighting the key words or sentences help to remember them easily.

·       Scanning and speed reading – Skipping the routine/ordinary words and  focusing only on the key words/phrases increases the volume of reading that we can cover  in a limited period of time and enhance absorption rate.

·       Breaks- If you wish to concentrate for a long period of time then you must take a break of 15 minutes after every one hour of serious work.

·       Visual associations – Try to associate some picture, ideas, thoughts, events or symbol to what you wish to remember. The visual memory is easier to recall than simple verbal memory.

 Reasons we forget:-

1. Interference- when old memory blocks the absorption of new memory or gets mixed up with it or vice versa, it’s the phenomenon of interference. Quite bothersome.
2. Retrieval failure - when we know that our memory definitely has that information and yet we can’t recall it, retrieval failure is said to have occurred. Very frustrating. The underlying cause is the failure to use the memory on a regular basis.
3. Motivated forgetting – When we don’t like someone or something, we tend to forget the information about them. So, if you do not like a subject then you better forget about it!
4. Fabricating processes – When someone changes or makes up a new answer/information, believing it is true. The person is so convinced about the accuracy of false information that he even argues or fights for it. This is the fabrication process of an untrue memory.
5. Failure to store memory - When people do not pay enough attention or do not get enough time to notice, the memory never gets stored.
6. Cramming (Mugging) - Repeating a sentence or piece of information a number of times, hoping it will be memorized. To a large extent, it doesn’t work. Memorizing can begin just after a long cramming session by understating the concepts and ideas.

Aids to unblock memory:

·       Through rigorous memorization process. The more you practice a subject, the more solid your memory is.

·       Revision at regular intervals. If we don’t revise, the memories slowly become fuzzy and finally lost for ever. Memory building is a slow and long process.

·       Having a positive attitude towards what you wish to memorize. If you dislike what you are trying to memorize, your memory will resist absorbing or accepting it. Decide that what you are going to memorize is useful and beneficial and you would find that as a great protection against blocked memory.

·       Sound sleep gives a boost to memory. People who go to sleep after memorizing have a better retention rate.

·       Relaxation and meditation reduce stress. Stress is a major block for good memory. Memory is at a peak during morning hours and declines at the most stressful point in a day. Tension during exams and interview hamper memory

·       Memory searching. Sometimes even with the best preparations and intentions, the memory fails. Apply the following three techniques to simulate your memory.

1. Word Search: Take a pause from remembering. Divert your attention to something else. Take a deep breath to relax your mind. Then start noting down all words that comes to your mind in association with the topic. Soon the list will grow. Try to arrange the words in a logical order. This should possibly act as a clue to stimulate more ideas, thoughts or words and unblock the memory.
2. Image Search: Similar to words search, you start noting down images that are likely to activate the mental picture in your memory. Remember that writing down is essential for the unblocking process to be effective.
3. First letter search: Start with the first letter in the alphabet “a” and see if it gives you the clue. Then go down sequentially “b”, “c”, “d”…. till you find the right words, sentence or answer.

Keeping your memory healthy:

·       Challenge your own memory everyday. The exercise will keep it in good shape.

·       Eat healthy, wholesome food to provide nutrition for your brain.

·       Bad moods translate into bad memory. Seek a change from a stressful situation.

·       Alcohol and nicotine are bad news for our memory.

·       Keep doing quizzes, puzzles and cross words. It keeps the memory alert and agile.

·       Learn new subjects and languages constantly.

·       Take yourself “back” to some points in time and try to recall every thing in great detail.

·       Keep a regular diary.

·       Memory is good when we just start studying something, then it falls down during middle hours and again peaks just before the closing time. Use this idea to help your learning process.

·       Observe/notice the details. The more detail you store, greater will be your ability to recall.

·       Healthy body, healthy mind.

Creativity:

          The creative in each one of us has this deep urge to know everything about everything because it knows that, sooner or later, this knowledge and assimilated ideas would come together to create bright, new ideas in future. So, creativity is essentially the thinking process that helps generate new ideas.

          “Discovery consist of looking at the same thing as everybody else and thinking something different.”

          Creativity is a tool that would be much required in your future work. In order to be creative, you will have to start thinking differently right from today. It definitely helps if you be in the company of creative people.

          How can we identify creative people?

• They are able to generate a lot of ideas in a short period of time in response to ANY situation.
• They are able to easily shift gears by thinking horizontally/laterally.
• They demonstrate a high level of originality.
• They tend to be more tolerant of other people and differing view points.

What stops people from being creative?

This is because we are conditioned (accustomed) to a way of thinking, which has inherent “Mental blocks”.

These mental blocks include –

1. Believing that there is only one right or good answer
2. Over-reliance on logical thinking (vertical thinking) e. g. if this is true then that has to be false! Why can’t both be true?
3. Compulsion to always follow and live by the same old rules. When times change, rules also need to change.

“Creative thinking may simply mean the realization that there is no particular virtue in doing things the way they have always been done.” – Rudolph Flesch.

4. The perceived need to always be practical and not pursuing unusual, imaginative and seemingly silly ideas.
5. The assumptions that play are frivolous and only children need to play. Play induces humor and humor relaxes the mind to get into the creative thinking mode.

·       Next time you have a problem, mentally play with it.

·       Make your workplace fun.

·       Laugh at yourself sometimes. Do not take anyone or anything TOO seriously.

6. Thinking of oneself as a specialist and than saying, “That’s outside my field/area.” Ideas can come from anywhere, anyone and anytime.
7. Becoming uncomfortable by vagueness or ambiguity in a situation. There is something called a gray zone where there are no absolutely right and wrong answers, good and bad decisions etc.
8. Fear of committing a mistake or making an error. We shall need to overcome the habit of being right most, if not all, of the time.
9. The peer pressure, family and societal pressure of the ever present commandment “Don’t be foolish!”
10. Thinking of oneself as not creative and then stop making any efforts in that direction.

Increasing Creativity:

1. Daydreaming : The free thinking without specific purpose and boundaries
2. Lateral thinking methods :

·       Random stimulation- Random word association in a dictionary

·       Generation of alternatives- Twenty options/answers per day

·       Challenging assumption – Why only this? What if ….?

3. The courage to stand apart from the crowd.
4. Visualization – Making mental pictures (the soft copy) before carrying out the idea (the hard copy) in reality

Reference books:

1. A whack on the side of the head by Roger Von Oech
2. Lateral thinking by Edward de Bono.

Perception and Judgementalism:

Perception:- It is a combination of all the five senses i.e. sight, touch, smell, sound and taste that enable us to understand any object or a person.

          For example, you see a tall strong man wearing a khaki dress with stars on his shoulders, a peak cap, reddish brown shoes and a baton in his hand. When you are asked who this person is, chances are you would say that he is a police officer. That is your perception about him. But could he also be one of the following?

-                  A guard of a private security agency

-                  An actor playing the role in a drama

-                  A thug trying to dupe people

-                  A friend of a police inspector, merely having borrowed the dress from him.

We all have a habit of forming judgments whenever we see a person. For example;

-                  We think of a priest as a God fearing person.

-                  You meet someone who resembles your brother and therefore you start liking him.

-                  You may have had a bad experience with a person of another community and on the basis of that, you think ill of the entire community.

Judgementalism: - Most of us a habit of judging people too soon. It usually comes from the way our parents responded to different kind of people. It is believed that the first impression is formed within 10 seconds of meeting a person and second opinions are finalized within four minutes.

          Obviously, four minutes is not enough to understand about a person. Even then most of us can be found to be saying, “Somehow I do not like this person. He doesn’t seem to be a good human being.”

          This kind of instant judgment that we pass over someone’s appearance manners or actions is called judgementalism.

 Frequently, we think negatively of people who look, act or speak differently from us and think favourably of those who resemble us in any way. We tend to compartmentalize or categorize the entire group of people and then label them as good or bad.

We can reject people on the basis of their religion, caste, race, age, sex, profession, culture, ethnicity, nationality etc. This pre-judging is called prejudice and bias.

Perception in practical situations: - To be successful on a grand scale, we really need to watch out against our prejudicial and biased nature as it can somehow get conveyed to the people though our body language and antagonize them. On the path to success, we need friends, not opponents and enemies.

Discrimination :- An act or word that unfavorably treats or deals with a person due to the person’s race, religion, caste, skin color, sex, nationality, physical deformity, age, origin or any other such thing,  is considered to be discriminatory. The affected party can go to court against the discriminating party and if found true, may seek compensation for damages to himself and punishment for the offender. So, be careful of your prejudices and biases otherwise they may land you into serious trouble. People everywhere have limited tolerance for discrimination though the fear of violence may add elasticity to patience.

Assertiveness:

          “Don’t be so concerned about your right that you forget your manners.”

- Anonymous.

          Broadly speaking there are three types of personalities in this world. The first, aggressive types, are so concerned about protecting, demanding and snatching their own rights that they forget their manners. The second., submissive types, only mind their manners and don’t make any efforts to claim their most basic rights. They get trodden over easily and often turn out to be the victims of the aggressive type. It is the third type i.e. assertive type, that is the focus of this section. Assertive type people not only defend and claim their due rights, but also show respect and concern for other people's rights and feelings. Democratic in the true sense!

In any organization only the assertive ones have a realistic chance of not only surviving but also, prospering.