Body Language: Professional Application

                          Body Language: The Powers of Non-Verbal Communication

Introduction:

     Human civilization is a shining symbol of the triumph of accumulated knowledge and collective wisdom. Each stage of our civilization was founded on the pre-existing knowledge base and then the continuous struggles of existence compelled us to look for more effective and efficient tools for survival. Therefore, this search for knowledge is never ending because we human beings are, fortunately or unfortunately, never satisfied with what we have.  Communicating with each other has always been a necessity for social beings and the qualitative value of this activity is always sought to be improved upon because so much depends on it, especially social and personal relationships. Words indeed have overwhelming powers and will always remain the focal point of the communication process. However, recent studies by Behavioral scientists have shown that in today's sophisticated society, where speaking everything freely may be risky, there are other non-verbal aspects to communication which are even more significant then verbal ones.

Given below are the results of a study by Albert Mehrabian on the relative impact of various components of communication in effectively conveying a message.

·       Verbal component (words only) –                             7%

·       Vocal (Tone of voice, inflections, other sounds) – 38%

·       Non verbal/ Visual (Bodily gestures and signals) – 55%

     Another study by Professor Birdwhistell showed that the in terms of conveying the full and actual meaning, the verbal component contributed less than 35% and non-verbal component, more than 65%.  Considering these findings, it is rather surprising that non-verbal component of communication has been given importance and systematically studied as a subject only since 1960s, even though we and our civilization has undergone millions of years of evolution. The first book on body language was published by Julius Fast in 1970, which was in essence a summary of the findings of behavioral scientists’ research on non-verbal communication. From a technical point of view, the Charles Darwin's book "The Expression of the emotions in Man and Animals", published in 1872 was a pioneer in the field and arguably the most influential book on the subject.

The framework for understanding:

     Experts believe that the words are used for communicating information and the non-verbal channels are used to convey feelings, attitudes and emotions.

Sometimes, the non-verbal channel is even substituted for the entire verbal message, like "looks that could kill" and 'eyes that could even melt arctic ice'.

 If we realize and accept the fact that we are still biologically animals, like other species, being controlled by biological rules that direct our actions, reactions, body signals and movements then we can establish a realistic frame of reference to understand the whole thing. The most surprising thing about this subject is that human beings are rarely aware that their bodily gestures, postures and movements can tell one story while they themselves may be verbalizing an entirely different, even contradictory one.

Perceptive and Intuitive People:

     Without going into intricate details here, we call someone perceptive or intuitive who has an innate ability to accurately read the non-verbal cues/signals coming from a person and then comparing to see if it matches with the actual words being spoken. Researchers have noted and recorded close to a million such non-verbal cues.

     Women, generally speaking, tend to be more perceptive then the men. Perhaps, it is because for the first two years of a baby's life, the mother has to rely solely on non-verbal signals of the baby to look after her. They also have an accurate eye for minute details and coupled with their capacity for deciphering non-verbal signals, women make more perceptive negotiators then men. 

How do we create signals?

     There are remarkable consistencies in some of the signals across all races and continents and there are also marked variations. Researchers have discovered that signals would fall under four of the following categories. Even deaf and blind people were observed for this study.

·       Inborn - Ability to suck on birth, smiling, crying

·       Genetic- sitting and standing postures, walking

·       Learned- shaking head to say no (pushing mother's breast away when stomach was full)  

·       Cultural- The ‘OK' sign, the ‘bow’, handshake, curtsies etc

Study of Body Language: the concept:

     In the early chapters of this blog we talked about a sense of control that all human beings need to have over their lives and the immediate surroundings. Whenever we feel that we have become powerless to control our life and the immediate environment, fear and dejection grips us. That is why unknown always frightens us. That is why we so badly wish to know why those around us behave in a way they do. We wish to know the thinking of others because we would like to control their behaviour,s too. Other’s behaviour affects us and at times it can be quite hurtful. People also wish to find the keys to human behaviour because they would like to manipulate it to their advantage.

     But the purpose of this blog is not to share dark secrets of manipulation. It does not wish to teach you to control other people’s actions, either. It just intends to make you learn about other human beings so that ultimately, you may learn more about yourself and become self-aware. Only a self-aware person can be authentic in his own actions and reactions and thereby improve his relationship with others. Happy relationships, after all, are the true foundations of a lasting success and an enriched life. So, after you have learnt the art of reading body language, do not go on a witch-hunt for secret enemies. Instead, you show to the world, through your own body language, that you are a true lady/ gentleman, a genuine human being and a reliable friend.

Information absorption:

     To further emphasize on the value of body language, the following table suggests how much information is taken in through which sense.

Sense	% of absorption
Eyes	55
Ears	35
Others	10

This is the reason why we learn more by seeing than by merely hearing and why we tend to believe that we actually see. Because we 'see' body language and merely hear words, we tend to believe in body signals more than the words being spoken by an individual.

Research study:

In my assessment, body language must have originated because of the natural human curiosity to read what was on the mind of the other person. Body language is the science and art of reading non-verbal signals and bodily gestures to decipher the thoughts, moods and attitudes of others. It has gained immense popularity in recent years because of its accuracy, utility and sheer entertainment value. The renowned expert on body language, the bestselling author of "Body Language” Allen Pease has given it the dimensions and respectability of science. First, let us try to understand the basic mechanism behind body language.

The Mechanism of Body Language:     

     The probable mechanism is depicted below in a flow chart. The model is based on the concept of indestructibility of energy and matter.

Thought (Energy)

Action taken

Energy is released

Action suppressed

Body Language

 

Description:

     Any thought in our mind is a definite amount of energy. This energy powers all our actions – constructive or destructive. All thoughts must lead to some action because energy is indestructible. The action could be physical in nature or verbal. This action would be taken or not, depends on whether the action is socially acceptable or unacceptable. Destructive or criminal behaviour is socially unacceptable actions but taken deliberately nevertheless. However, there is still another category of actions which are neither destructive nor criminal, but simply considered "uncivilized" in a polite society and hence, socially unacceptable. Freely expressing all kinds of emotions and instincts is also socially unacceptable as we have learnt in the section on Transactional Analyses. So, whenever a person finds himself in a situation where he cannot act or speck freely, the powerful energy gets choked. This suppressed energy must find an outlet. The involuntary bodily signals and symptoms provide a natural release for this powerful energy. The Body language became possible as a subject because the bodily reactions and responses are fairly consistent in all human beings and can be understood with practice. The body language is a fascinating amalgamation of Biology and Psychology.

     “Let us understand the entire process through an example. A marketing executive, who has not been able to achieve his monthly targets for last 7-8 months, is sitting in his boss's office. He expects himself to be fired because he has already been given numerous hidden warnings before. As the boss is talking about mounting costs and falling sales, the executive suddenly starts feeling very insecure. The future starts looking very bleak. Then, against his better judgment, he lights a cigarette for himself.”

     Why did he do it? Because he needed some reassurance for his insecure frame of mind! As the boss wasn't forthcoming with any of it, the executive recreated the kind of reassuring experience that we all felt as an infant, with our mother's feeding nipples between our lips. How did he do it? By substituting a cigarette for the mother’s nipple! Other variations of this insecurity induced actions are putting a pen or pencil between one's lips or simply chewing one's lips.

 Similarly a logical connection has been established between a number of bodily actions and their source of origin.

Significance & Application of Body Language:

     What could happen if we had the powers to read what was on the other person's mind? We could know who our friend was and who wasn't. We could find out if the other guys were making a fair deal or not. The possibilities are limitless. Knowledge of body language gives us a power nearly as enormous as the ability to read people's minds. We could apply this knowledge on two fronts.

·       Personally

·       Professionally

Because of the need to continue maintaining the professional focus of this blog, I shall not delve into the application of body language on personal front. To the readers who are interested, reading "Body Language" by Allan Pease is recommended. The periodical "Competitions Success Review" has also serialized the book in its monthly editions. For the time being I would just like to conclude that body language always improves one-to-one communication and interaction by making us more perceptive and sensitive to the non-verbal signals coming from the other person. Accordingly, we can be careful about our own body language and learn to use it more effectively and intelligently.

"To me, I am the most important person. And that is why others become even more important because my importance is derived from them, dependant on them.”

On the professional front, knowledge of boy language makes us better decision-makers, deal makers and negotiators. They fine tune our inter-personal relationships and impart a feather-touch to our people skills. As we are able to sense the vulnerability in others, it makes us aware of our own and produces tolerance. It even protects us from malice and falsehoods. It’s a wonderful guardian angel to have.

Body Language: The Employment Perspective:

·       Throughout our working professional life we shall have to deal with our seniors. Being able to interpret their non-verbal signals will be crucial to our survival and success.

·       During the selection process and promotional interviews, we enhance our chances of succeeding by using the positive signals and on the other hand, spoil our impression by using the negative ones.

·       Ability to read other’s body language tells us, when it’s going down well and when we are not making headway.

·       Whenever we see that we are losing it, we can change strategy or make an effective intervention.

·       Positive 'body language’ on our part induces positive behaviour on the other person and vice-versa.

Fundamentals of interpretation:

     The body language postures could be divided into two basic groups.

·       Open and closed

·       Forward and Backward

The following table lists the likely interpretation and related gestures.

Open: acceptance	Closed: rejection
Forward: readiness	Backward: passive

Principle of body language interpretation:

·       An isolated single gesture should never be taken as conclusive. A man with arms tightly folded across his chest may be simply feeling cold, nothing else. Gestures are always confirmed by clusters (i.e. more than two gestures).

·       The frontal torso of human body i.e. stomach, chest, groin etc. is the softest and therefore, the most vulnerable part. Any kind of barrier to protect it (including an arm cross) would reveal that the person feels vulnerable, intimidated or threatened. When the person under observation does not feel any compulsion to protect the frontal torso, it indicates that he is feeling normal. When he deliberately displays the soft part (like with arms held behind), he is either trying to show his fearlessness in the situation or indulging in aggressive behaviour. It could also mean nothing to hide or openness in dealings.

·       People use one of the body parts such as fingers, toes, head, knee, shoulders etc. to point in the direction that they are interested in. It could be an exit door or an attractive, charming person on the next seat.

·       A suppressed emotion often surfaces as an itchy or tingling sensation on the skin, especially face and neck.

·       Suppressed energy also gets dissipated as extra, unnecessary movements, like readjusting the tie knot; removing an imaginary speck of dust from the cuffs etc. This restlessness is called "Fidgeting" and it betrays nervousness.

·       Readjusting the hair away from face reveals a secret desire to look attractive to the onlooker. This gesture is also accompanied by sucking in the stomach and puffing up the chest to look young and impressive. Together, they are called "Preening" gestures.

·       In any situation involving confrontation, the fighters make every effort to look big and fearsome. Aggressive people also tend to occupy more space than usual. Hand on the hips and feet wide apart are a classic gesture of readiness to confront. Aggressive people often sit with their feet planted wide apart

·       Another important concept in the interpretation of body language is that of space. It has something to do with the feeling of ownership of some space around one's body.

Space zones around an individual:

The personal space zone

Intimate Zone- (10 cm<)

Personal Zone- (1 feet <)

Social Zone -    (3 feet<)

Impersonal Zone- (>3 feet)

     Space zones are the virtual boundaries around a person which regulate the inter-personal encounters.

·       The intimate zone extends up to 10 cm of the body and only very near & dear ones are allowed to enter this zone.

·       The personal zone, extending to about one foot around the body is reserved for friends and relatives only.

·       The social zone, extending from one foot to approximately three feet, is where we keep the people that are our mere acquaintances, but not quite familiar.

·       The last one, impersonal zone, is the space beyond three feet.  People that are strangers to us or even rivals are always kept in the impersonal zone of emotionally sterile or hostile attitude.

Knowledge of space zones helps us to evaluate a person’s attitude towards others around him.

We can do it by observing at what distance he keeps the other person. There is an isolationist boss who keeps such a large desk, that everybody who sits across the boss is "kept at a distance". The space zones also reveal our capacity for intimacy and spontaneity, as described in the chapter on "Transactional Analysis". In fact, everything about us can be known by minutely observing our "Body Language". Constant invasion of one's intimate space by repeatedly touching is secretly disliked by everyone.

Another angle to consider in the interpretation is the angle of one-to-one encounters. When people squarely face each other off, it breeds competitiveness and rivalry, even open conflict. Whereas, when people are standing or sitting sideways, it fosters an atmosphere of co-operation and camaraderie.

One of the most reliable indicators of people's emotions is their pupil. Pupil is the centre-most, darkest point in the eye-ball, through which light enters the eye and forms an image on the retina. Pupil is a 'flexible lens' which can be 'constricted' (made small) or 'dilated' (made wide) by the tiny muscles in the eye socket. When the pupil is dilated (widened), more light enters the eye. Conversely when the pupil is constricted (narrowed), less light enters the age. If the object in front of us pleases us we dilate our pupils to have "more of it”. When the subject is not to our liking we constrict our pupil to filter it out.

To know what a dilated pupil looks like, observe a mother happily looking at her child. A hero in the film staring at the villain is looking out through a constricted pupil. Pupil, the focal point of the eye, functions independently and involuntarily

Any kind of barrier (physical) is a sign that communication between the speaker and the listener is not free, open and honest. Barrier could be an arm crossed across chest, a leg cross, a book or a table.

Not only the physical body, but even the inanimate objects or substances on and around the body, like clothes, accessories, furniture, pen, room etc are used to convey signals and messages quite eloquently. They become extensions of our physical body.

People feeling superior or victorious try to assume an 'elevated' stance or higher space whereas those feeling inferior or beaten may take a "debilitated" stance or downward position.

Maintaining eye contact during conversation marks confidence. Avoiding eye contact marks lack of confidence or interest or both.

As human beings can only see forward and sideways, they are very sensitive about the space behind them. If they have a protective back-rest of a chair or simply a wall or pillar, they feel "safer" and more confident. Any lack of such protective barrier, combined with the presence of someone in the backspace, makes people uncomfortable and edgy. That is why in a restaurant, everyone looks for a "corner" table.

The degree of firmness with which one grips a handshake shows whether his personality type is aggressive, assertive or submissive.

  

·       Limp 'dead fish' hand shake- submissive, passive

·       Just pleasantly firm grip – assertive, active

·       Too strong "Knuckle crushing grip” – Aggressive, active

In addition,s the angle at which people shake hands reveals the dominating streak in them.

·       Palm down (pushing other person’s hand down) – dominating, domineering

·       Palm vertical (horizontal push) – polite and firm, fair

·       Palm up – Easily pushed or dominated

The body language would vary from culture to culture but the fundamental concepts remain the same.

The males and females portray different sets of body language, in keeping with the notions of the stereotyped images of what is manly and lady like.

The Four Basic Orientation Modes:

     We have already learnt about the four basic groups of gestures i.e. open, closed, forward and backward. These four basic groups, in combination with one another, give four basic orientation modes. Orientation mode simply means the general frame of mind of the person under observation.

                                              

                                               

Open

Closed

Backward

Forward

I

III

44

IV

1.      Open-forward/ active acceptance: Ready to agree, willing to act now.

2.     Open-backward/ passive reception: Ready to accept or agree but unwilling to act at the moment.

3.     Closed-forward/ active resistance: Ready to reject or disagree and also willing to act or fight for it.

4.     Closed-backward/ passive rejection: Ready to reject but unwilling to act or confront. Wishes to escape from the tough or boring situation.

The four modes tell us the general state of mind of a person at any given point of time. As the frame of mind would change it will be visibly manifest in the change of the orientation mode. It’s a most powerful insight in dealing effectively with people.

 If you were a salesman making a sales pitch and you saw your prospect in one of these modes then you may conclude accordingly as indicated below;

Active Acceptance – Ask for signature or payment, you’ll get it.

Passive Reception – Favorably disposed to your talk but not yet ready to sign. Wait and talk a little more to further convince your prospect.

Active Resistance – Beware! He is about to explode. Do something drastically different to diffuse the situation or just leave before it gets out of hand.

Passive Rejection – He thinks you are trying to cheat or fool him. He is not saying it because that would be too impolite or he just wishes to avoid the risk of confrontation. Or more simply, he is just not interested.

Faking & controlling body language:

     The body language is the involuntary and sub-conscious response of the human body to an external stimulus in the environment. Therefore, it may be possible for someone to voluntarily control all body movements, gestures and vocal expressions for a strictly limited period of time. However, to be able to do so consistently and continuously for a very long is impossible. It is certainly possible to be aware of postures, gestures and expressions that send negative or destructive signals to the onlooker and then avoid them altogether from our personal interactions. Then, there are activities such as gambling, business and political negotiations, legal arguments, employment interviews etc where body language, if displayed overtly, could terribly hurt our chances of succeeding. Hence controlling one's body language there becomes a matter of compulsion, not choice. Why do you think many political stalwarts and seasoned businessmen wear dark glasses or cover their faces with beard?

     There are cultures where free expression of emotions is not approved of. As a result, the body signals assume restrained, more subtle forms but they are always there, nevertheless. Emotions and instincts are quite overpowering and suppressing them altogether is realistically unachievable for an average human being. We humans have inbuilt radar that quickly spots any incongruence/mismatch between bodily signals and spoken words. That is how we can make out when somebody is lying.

Important and frequently used gestures & their likely interpretation:

     The interpretation would cover three areas.

·       Body parts (like face, eyes, hair, hands etc.)

·       Bodily accessories (like spectacles, watch, necktie etc.)

·       Inanimate objects in the environment (like table, chair, car etc.)

The sequence of the interpretations is in that very order, starting from top of the body and moving downwards.    

Body parts: gesture association

Hair:

o   Pushing hair back - wants to impress (it’s called Preening)

o   Finger combing - Preening, wishes to look attractive

o   Scratching head – Thinking hard, confused, puzzled

o   Head slightly tilted sideways (while listening) – Paying full attention, interested. 

Forehead:

o   Rubbing forehead - Thinking, nursing a headache

o   Thumb on temple and forefinger on forehead- Evaluation, attentive

o   Slapping forehead – "Oh no! How could I do that" expression

Temples:

o   Pressing with fingers – Suppressing anger or irritation, nursing a headache

o   Forefinger on temple, thumb on cheek – Evaluating

Eye brows:

o   Eyebrows 'knitted' together: Denotes intensity of concentration or emotion

o   Brows slightly raised – interested

o   Brow lifted very high – disbelief

o   Corner of the brows tilted down (along with the corners of the mouth also tilted down – disapproval, rejection, suppressed anger

Eyelids:

o   High blinking rate – Listening attentively

Eyes:

o   Looks up and to the right – Evaluating

o   Looks down and to the left – Lying

o   Staring blankly into space- distracted, bored

o   Looking here and there (while listening)- Wants to leave now

o   Glances at you (while speaking or listening) – deceptive, lying

o   Gazes down – lying

o   Rubs or covers eyes – Feels ashamed or 'caught' lying

o   Rubbing eyes (while listening) - Disbelieving

o   Eye-block (Tilting head back so that the eyes are semi-closed) - Does not wish to see that person anymore.

Pupil:

o   Fully dilated – Loves the object/subject in front, wishes to look attractive (if there is no object in front)

o   Slightly 'constricted' – Attentive, concentrating

o   Highly constricted – "Beady' or 'Snake eye'- suspicious, hostile, disapproval

Ears:

o   Pulling ears while speaking-lying

(note-Other variation, all indicating either that the person is himself lying or believes that the speaker is lying to him, include covering the ears, jabbing a finger in the ear hole, rubbing the back of the ear etc.)

Nose:

o   Touching nose when under public gaze-nervousness, being self-conscious, ill-at-ease

o   Touching nose while speaking – deceptive

o   Flaring nostrils – intense emotions (either sorrow or anger)

o   Massaging the bridge of the nose (where spectacles rest upon nose) – thinking, deciding, stalling a decision, tired, and bored

Cheeks:

o   Cupping face with both hands (elbows resting on table) – Boredom, trying to prevent falling asleep

o   Flushed cheeks – embarrassed

Mouth:

o   Covering mouth while speaking – lying, deception

o   Touching lips (with pen, pencil/finger etc) – Needs assurance, feeling insecure

o   Smile – attentive

o   Corners of the mouth drooping down – disapproval, disappointment, pessimism,

o   One corner raised slightly in a smirk, other falling down- cynical, mocking

o   Biting lips – frustration, anxiety

o   One corner of the mouth twitches while speaking – lying

o   Gaping mouth – Surprised, awed

o   Tongue-in-cheek- audacious, trying to be courageous and hiding fear

Teeth:

o   Crushing or grinding teeth – hostile, angry

o   Baring teeth – animal instinct for attack, either physical or verbal

o   Clenched teeth (false smile, rubbing an eye) – ‘Lying through-one's teeth'

Chin:

o   Stroking chin – evaluating, deciding

o   Chin thrusting down – rejecting massage, not liking the message

o   Chin thrust out (hands on hips, bared teeth) – defiant, aggression

Neck/Back of the neck:

o   Scratching neck (while listening) – Doubtful, uncertain

o   Rubbing back of the neck-"you are such a pain in the neck”

o   First slapping, then rubbing the back of the neck- slap denotes frustration and concealed anger, rubbing has the usual "irritated" interpretation.

o   Collar pull (tugging at the collar) –“Feeling hot under the collars" either because of anger and frustration, or sweating due to the fear of being caught lying. The collar pull is intended to allow some cold air in to ease the "flustered' state of mind.

Shoulders:

o   Chest tucked in and shoulders jutting forward in a "fighter's slouch" – readiness gesture, alert, ready to attack or defend.

o   Drooping shoulders – given up, dejected, feeling "beaten"

o   Shoulders raised in a shrug – "I am helpless", 'I can't help it", do not know             

o    Shoulder pointing – interest in that direction.

Chest/Breast:

o   Putting some kind of protective barrier in front – defensive, negative

o   Puffing up chest – wishes to look strong or attractive, intended to impress

Waist:

o   Leaning against a wall, doorway, table, chair etc – "Territorial" aggression of occupying more personal space them usual and as a result, invading the personal space of others

o   Learning forward with upper body – interested, eager

Stomach & Torso:

o   Caressing stomach – feels satisfied, content and fulfilled

o   Open front torso – openness, fearlessness

o   Body pointing towards something or someone – interest or confrontation (face-off each other)

o   Body pointing away from something or someone – avoidance, not interested, excluding that person

o   Deliberately not putting an arm cross (even in unfamiliar circumstance or in the company of strangers) – showing self-confidence, does not wish to give any hint of nervousness.

o   Sucking in stomach (and puffing of chest) – trying to impress or intimidate

Hips:

o   Hands on hips – "readiness" gesture

o   Hands akimbo, feet wide apart – display of defiance or aggression

o   Shifting frequently in seat while speaking – lying, deception

Back:

o   Slumped sitting posture – Bored, disinterested, tired, defensive

o   Scratching one's back- Bored, indifferent

Arms, hands and Fingers:

o   Arms folded across chest – Rejecting

o   Arms folded across high up on chest, fists clenched underneath – authoritarian, domination or aggressive.

o   Displaying open palms while speaking – truthful, honest

o   Finger pointing – accusing, aggressive

o   Finger raised in a 'hut-like' formation-Feeling confident and superior (both the hands are used and finger tips touch each other like church "steeple')

o   Hands flat on table, facing down – readiness gesture, "OK' let’s do it".

o   Hands made into a gun shape and pointing out: concealed violent motive

o   Finger tapping at quick pace- impatient wishes to speak or leave immediately

o   Finger tapping at slower pace-bored, disinterested

o   Fists tightly clenched – restrained anger

o   Biting nails – anxious, nervous

o   Pointing at someone with a thumb-Ridicule, derogatory gesture

o   Both the thumbs raised up (arms extended in front) – I'm so cool, self satisfied

o   Both thumbs up and arms crossed) - feeling of superiority but in a sub-ordinate position.

o   Downwards steeple (made while sitting and leaning forward)-Feeling superior while listening, a "know-it-all" attitude.

o   Thumbs tucked into waistcoat pocket-Superiority attitude

o   Holding the for arm of the dominant hand with the other hand-restraining oneself from retaliating against

o   Showing the palm up – Proving allegiance, submissive, "begging" for something

o   Hands-behind-the-head- Feeling superior or self-confident, "Know-it-all" attitude

o   Arms crossed with hands tightly gripping the biceps- firm, though negative.

o   Standing, sitting or walking with "palm-holding-palm" in front- reassuring oneself

o   Standing, sitting or walking with "palm-holding-palm” at the back-superiority

o   "Palm down" gestures – wish to dominate control

o   Quick palm rubbing – expectant, excited, hoping for good news or results Slow palm rubbing – crafty designs, deviousness, planning to con or deceive

o   Fingers of two hands interlocked (clenched hands) – Frustration, hostile

Note: There are three usual positions to keep the clenched hands-

Ø  In front of the face (sitting, table in front),

Ø  In front of the middle part of the body (sitting, hands lying on table),

Ø  In front of crotch (standing, hands in front).

Higher the hand position, more intense is the degree of frustration or hostility. Many people mistake the "clenched hands" as a confidence gesture but it is not.

Legs:

o   Legs placed evenly apart – openness

o   Legs placed wide apart – confrontational, competitive

o   Sitting with legs crossed in "4" position – Evaluating, competitive, feels superior and confident

o   One leg casually slung across the arm-rest of a chair- inconsiderate, unconcerned

o   Crossing legs away from someone – exclusion, avoidance, rejection

o   Crossing legs towards someone – interested, inclusion

o   Thigh on knee (while sitting) – rejecting, defensive

Knee, Toe & Heel:

o   People unknowingly point with one or both the toes in the direction that hold their interest. They try to hide their true intentions by seeing elsewhere in some other direction.

o   People also use bent knee (either sitting or standing) to point in the direction that they are interested in.

o   Both hands on both the knees, leaning forward – readiness gesture.

o   Feet under chair, resting on toes- Eager

o   The toe pointing towards door-"let me go"

o   Both the toes pointing in (while standing) – defensive, unaccommodating

o   Rocking on the "balls" of the heel – Wishes to get away, escape

o   Feet "dug" in (legs slightly apart, body raised to full height) – "I am going to face whatever comes my way", Confrontation mode

o   Both knees held together-defensive

o   Ankles interlocked under the chair-Negative, defensive, reserved.

o   Female foot lock (one foot tightly held behind another leg) - rejecting. Mentally reclusive and isolated

B.  Accessories:

Glasses:

o   Peering from over the glasses-evaluating, disapproving, looking-down-upon

o   Sucks glasses-evaluating

o   Taking glasses off-made a decision.

o   Putting glasses back on- wishes to avoid intimacy or familiarity, distancing  oneself from the other person, rejection

o   Taking glasses off and cleaning – making a decision, buying time to think

Ear-rings:

o   Pulling at the ear-rings- lying

Necktie:

o   Re-adjusting necktie- self-conscious, anxious, "fidgety", nervous

o   Playing with the tie – a "displacement" activity, seeking relief from pressure or anxiety

Necklace:

o   Pulling along the neck-trying to ease pressure or irritation

o   Tugging at the chain – Relieving the "Pain-in-the neck"

Shirt/Blouse/Coat:

o   Buttoning coat – whishes to leave

o   Picking imaginary lint from cuffs or sleeves – A very frequently used 'displacement activity' which is used to release the frustration of not being able to freely express an opinion, often of disagreement, disapproval or dislike

Displacement signifies shifting of something from one place to another and could be done in dozens of ways like grooming oneself, nail biting, finger and foot tapping, readjusting cufflinks, scratching head, putting the ring on and off, playing with the tie etc. Displacement activities are the symptoms of people relieving the tensions of living in a high pressure society.   

Belt:

o   Both the thumbs tucked in, others four fingers pointing down-defiance, aggression

Watch:

o   Readjusting watch in any manner-"Fidgety", nervous, ill at ease

Trousers pocket:

o   One hand in the pocket – feeling superior, dominant (the hidden hand is like a hidden club and a great source of strength)

o   Both hands in the pocket – Not willing to participate, secretive

o   Both the thumbs in the pocket, fingers outside-aggression, challenge

Suspenders:

It’s worn rarely these days. But when people do, it may be used in the following ways.

o   Plucking and slapping back on with a sound-arrogance, frivolous

o   Tugging at it (like a wrestler does) – dominance, aggression

Shoes & socks, slip-ons etc :

o   Shoes pointing towards exit – wishes to leave

o   Pulling up the socks- getting ready again

C. Inanimate objects:

Pen, Pencil etc:

o   Putting pen/pencil between lips-feels insecure or unsure, needs reassurance

o   Tapping on the table-impatience

Books, Notebooks, Files etc:

o   Drawing doodles – bored, disinterested, distracted

o   Closing papers down with a "thump"- ready to make a decision

o   Holding book/file close to body- feeling vulnerable or defensive

o   Shutting the book/note book loud-"OK, it’s finished", "stop it"

Chair & Table:

o   Straddling across a chair, with the backrest in front – wishes to take control of the situation but not sure of being able to do it.

o   Rocking motion on the chair- wishes to get away from the situation.

o   High backrest of a chair – high status of the occupant

o   High backrest, armrest, swivel seat – power display, arrogance

o   Gripping the armrest – restraining oneself from leaving or retaliating

o   Learning forward with the chair – eager, interested

o   Reclining back on the chair – Keeping at a distance, avoidance

o   Leaning heavily on table – "This is my territory", aggression, domination

o   Using a very large table – "I do not want anyone to come close to me", isolationist, suspicious of everyone else.

o   Seating arranged across the table – adversarial or competitive approach

o   Seating arranged on the side of the table – accommodating, friendly approach

o   Feet on table – 'I'm the boss here’, arrogance

Paperweight:

o   Playing with a paperweight- "I can control everything', superiority

Key ring:

o   Revolving it around the fore-finger – wishes to make everyone dance around his fingers, dominance, desire to take control

Cigar Cigarette & Pipe:

o   Blowing cigarette smoke upward – feeling confident, superior

o   Blowing cigarette smoke down- feeling pessimistic, dejected, negative

o   Blowing rings – showing off, seeking attention

o   Taking time to refill the pipe – stalling a difficult decision-making

o   Tapping with the smoking pipe a few times – showing assertiveness or firmness

N.B. - Even more than the nicotine addiction, smoking in an outward manifestation of an inner turmoil or conflict. Smoking cigarette denotes a craving for reassurance and when people go through the long ritual associated with smoking a pipe or cigar, they may be stalling a difficult decision making.

Walking stick:

o   Leaning heavily on it – showing "territorial" aggression

Types of Gaze and what they imply:

     Depending on what part of the face and body you direct your gaze upon, it would send different types of signals to that person and it will create a different atmosphere and mood for the interaction that follows.

 

a.  Business gaze      b.       Social gaze            c.       Intimate gaze

(Note: The 'triangle' in the above figure is used to denote the area where the gaze should be directed in a professional interaction.)

Business gaze: By keeping your gaze above the imaginary line joining two eyes, you can keep the atmosphere business-like.

Social gaze: By focusing on the area between the eyes and the mouth line, it creates a pleasant, lively atmosphere that is fit for social interactions at gatherings and parties.

Intimate gaze: When the gaze is allowed to go lower than the neck, the gaze is suitable only for selected, intimate encounters. Not to be used in business dealings and professional interactions.

Cultural difference in frequency of gaze:

     Cultures that are emotionally more expressive and liberal, the gaze on the face lingers much longer whereas in restrained societies like Japan, people tend to look at the neck as a mark of respect and civility instead of looking straight in the eye while conversing. Therefore, a kind of gaze that would be normal in Italy would be considered offensive in Japan and vice-versa. Body language does vary from culture to culture and some of the signals are learnt culturally.

Duration of eye contact and likely interpretation:

·       Less than 1/3 of conversation time – Dishonest, withholding information

·       More than 1/3 but less than 2/3 conversation time-Normal

·       More than 2/3 of time-Either that person is highly impressed or in love with you. But if the pupils are constructed and the gaze is sideways, it’s a sure sign of aggressive staring and hostile attitude.   

Some common "gesture clusters":

     Body language experts always warn about the folly of jumping to a conclusion on the basis of a single, isolated gesture. Given below are some common, reliable 'gesture clusters' to base our opinion and decision on.

Head position:

     The angle at which one positions his or her head, in relation to the rest of the body also gives significant clues to that person's attitude.

·       Straight head: It’s a neutral, non-threatening and non-committed head position. This person hasn't yet decided on the stand or side he is going to take and is still open to influence.

·       Tilted sideways: It’s the head position revealing interest, enthusiasm and attention of the listener. A positive signal.

·       Downward: The chin moves closer to the neck in this position. It’s a position showing negative attitude, disapproval, criticism, disagreement and even hostility. It’s a threatening position.

·       Backward: The head falls backward and chin goes up. By taking the head away, this person indicates his desire to get away from the other person. In adopting this position, the eyes are looking down and partially closed. It’s the "eye block" position where the person is mentally blocking out the other person and wishes to keep him at a distance. Negative posture!

How to learn body language?

     Take out at least 15 minutes per day to observe the people around you. Go to a busy public place like a railway station where the entire gamut of human emotions is on display. Try watching TV with the volume turned off and see if you can understand what is going on. Then compare your understanding with someone who has watched the same program with normal sound.

 Be aware of your own body signals and the related feeling or attitude at that time. Ask people how they were feeling or what they were thinking whenever you find them in a particular posture or expression.

The biggest criticism of body language technique:

Skeptics and critics do a wonderful job of keeping their targets always on their toes and thus, contribute greatly to the overall progress of mankind. Many people contend that they adopt a gesture or posture just because they feel comfortable that way. The experts answer that a gesture or posture will naturally feel comfortable if you are also carrying the corresponding attitude or emotion. A particular attitude causes a gesture and if that gesture is held for a prolonged period of time, it only reinforces the attitude that caused the gesture in the first place.

Hunch or Gut Feeling:

     When we meet someone for the first time, the 90% of the first impression about that person is formed in the first 90 seconds, even before a single word is exchanged. We then have a "gut feeling" or "hunch” about that person as to whether the two of us would get along well or not. This hunch or gut feeling is formed after deciphering the micro-signals that are transmitted from that person. Our own body responds to these signals by sending its own messages through body language and this process is what we call "vibes" or the "matching wavelength". Cold Vibes are due to antagonistic body signals from both the sides. If you realize here lies the key to positive and healthy inter-personal relationships. Instead of being controlled by the others’ body language, you transmit friendly and supportive vibes and win people over. If the other person does not have a smile, lend them one of yours. You'll get interest on it!